Practical Psychology is a weekly newspaper column I have been writing for over 20 years. It is designed to address psychological topics that are most useful to its readers. Please feel free to re-print any of them in any form you wish. I ask only that you give the information about how to subscribe and credit for authorship. Thanks.

COPING WITH CRISIS
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

No intelligent person consciously seeks to create a personal crisis. We like to believe we can live without serious illness, violent crime, emotional problems, financial problems or interpersonal difficulties. Most of us expect our lives to progress smoothly through each growth stage, without a lot of turmoil. At least that is what we would like to have happen. Clearly, this desire is unrealistic. Crises are inevitable, and without them, few of us would ever learn how to cope with the natural changes occurring as a part of life. Crises are always "mixed blessings." They rarely occur without their positive aspects.

A crisis can even serve as a "spiritual wake-up call." Primitive cultures are very aware of the benefits of crises. They often create crises in the lives of "initiates" who are growing from one stage of life to another. The Chinese symbol for "crisis" is a combination of the symbols for "danger" and "opportunity." Kahlil Gibran wrote in his classic little volume, "The Prophet," "Pain is the bitter pill of the inner physician that cracks the shell of our understanding." I am not suggesting that crises are easy, or to be denied. Of course, crises are very stressful, often very painful, and always very challenging experiences. I often work with people who are "in crisis." I can testify there is nothing easy or painless about crises. However, there are certain steps you can take to make the crises in your life easier to cope with. When we successfully cope with crises, we almost always discover the heretofore, hidden benefits crises have to offer.

Realize that if you are still breathing, still alive, the crisis was not fatal. As long as you are alive, you will begin coping with whatever the crisis is that hasn't killed you. Speaking of breathing, practice doing so from your belly (not your chest) several times a day. Deep, regular diaphragmatic breathing keeps your body relaxed and you more able to focus your energy on coping rather than increasing bodily tension. Pay close attention to your own needs. On the physical level, eat healthy food, get plenty of rest, and engage in light exercise daily. The better you eat, the better your ability to cope with stress. The more you exercise and rest, the more energy your body produces to address any particular crisis. On a psychological level, spend time in solitude. Animals often retreat into solitude when undergoing a crisis. Spending time alone allows you to withdraw from further stimulating circumstances.

No matter how busy you are, set aside a few minutes each day to be alone. Go for a walk, work in the garden, meditate, listen to music, etc.  Don't watch very much TV, especially the "news" ...and especially during a presidential campaign season. Seek psychological help. If you believe the crisis is your fault, or some kind of punishment, or if you find yourself blaming yourself for your problems or overwhelmed by powerful emotions, do not "tough it out."

Get help. Make certain the help you get helps you grow, cope and change. Avoid any form of "help" that keeps you dependent, victimized or feeling worse than you do initially. Be realistic about what you can and cannot control. There is simply no point in worrying about things that you cannot influence or control. A noted anthropologist once gave these four simple rules for living...

  • Show up.
  • Pay attention.
  • Tell the truth.
  • Don't be attached to the outcomes.

Finally, treat yourself with patience, gentleness, understanding, kindness and love. When coping with crisis, the last thing you need is an internal critic. Focus your thinking on peace and happiness. Acknowledge the crisis, yes, but spend the majority of your time thinking about what continues to be positive about you and your lifestyle.

Look for the lesson to be learned in crisis. Face crisis without dread or resentment, but with a sense of optimism and gratitude. Look for the meaning in crises...the lesson. If you do, you might just realize that often, things cannot be taught in any other way.

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

Dr. Thomas also serves on the faculty of the Institute For Life Coach Training and the International University of Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams) the book: *Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice*and Your Life!* (W.W. Norton 2005) available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

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